Nobody's Fool Page 10

  “No. But this doesn’t have anything to do with the way you look.”

  “Doesn’t it? Then what does it have to do with?”

  “You’re who you always were. Decent and kind. Smart and funny and intelligent. A loyal friend. Successful.”

  “Ah, yes. The car.”

  “Stop it. That’s not what I meant.”

  “Isn’t it? What if I was still the geek next door? The uncoordinated skinny kid with the wild hair who couldn’t see three feet in front of his nose without his glasses. What if I drove a domestic compact and dug ditches for a living? Would you still be in love with me?”

  “I don’t know, Court. But it seems to me you wouldn’t have been too happy if that’s what you’d become. You’re the one who decided to be the man you are now. I didn’t have anything to do with it. But that’s the man I love. I can’t help it.”

  “You had everything to do with it,” he informed her. The anger was gone now.

  She stared at him. “Court, that’s ridiculous. I haven’t seen you in ten years.”

  He nodded. “And ten years ago, you couldn’t see me. I was invisible unless you needed help with your homework or a shoulder to cry on.”

  “What are you saying?” This was becoming like a dark reflection of her conversation with Sarah. “You became who you are because of me? Because of the way I treated you?”

  He shrugged, as if he was sorry now that he’d said anything. “I wanted to be the kind of guy you’d go for, if that’s what you mean.”

  “You are,” Jolie reminded him.

  “But I wasn’t then,” he countered.

  “You’re going to let the fact that I was a superficial girl filled with insecurities in high school ruin any chance of us being together now, is that it?”

  Court faced her in stony silence.

  “I take back what I said earlier. You’re not that intelligent. I admit I had a lot of shortcomings. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. You changed on the outside but I had to change on the inside. I hurt a lot of people in the past, including you. I can apologize and I can try to make it up to you, but I can’t undo it. I can only go forward and try to be a better person than I was.

  “I’m sorry if you can’t give me credit for that. I’m sorry if you don’t want to grow up and give us a chance now because I hurt you.” The tears came again and this time she let them fall. “That’s your choice to make. But you’ll end up hurting yourself, too. If I had anything to do with you becoming the man you are now, then that’s a good thing. But only a fool would throw away what we have together and you know it.

  “You’re many things, Court, but until now you were never a fool.” She stormed into the cabin.

  Chapter Ten

  The last thing Court wanted to do was follow Jolie into the cabin, but he had no choice. The shutters were up. The boat was secure. All that was left was to pack the few things he’d brought, turn off the breaker and lock up.

  He squared his shoulders, ready for round two. Jolie would yell at him for being an insensitive jerk or squeeze out a few more of those insincere tears. He’d seen her cry on cue before, when she’d played the role of Sandy in Grease. After all Jolie’s years in close proximity to Broadway, she’d probably sharpened her acting skills even further.

  He should be gloating, he reminded himself, even if he didn’t believe her. He had exactly what he’d wanted. Jolie had declared her love for him and he’d as good as told her it didn’t mean a thing. How does it feel? he wanted to ask her. How do you like to have your feelings tossed back in your face? Instead, he felt hollow inside.

  He didn’t know what in the hell he was doing anymore. This was supposed to have been about being over her, not trying to hurt her. His plan had gotten away from him. Like a living thing, it hadn’t fit neatly into the little box where he’d planned to keep it. Once Jolie entered the scene it had started to twist and turn and lose its shape. He’d lost his perspective. He’d turned into what Jolie used to be.

  Used to be? Yeah right. Like she’d really changed. Like she really cared. Like she really loved him.

  He went inside and crossed the living room to the bedroom. His overnight bag was where he’d left it. He picked up a T-shirt and a pair of socks and stuffed them inside.

  The bathroom door opened and Jolie came out with her cosmetic case in one hand. Either she didn’t see him or she pretended not to. She crossed the living room and set the case near the door, then went back into the other bedroom. He could hear her zip her other bag.

  Oh. So that’s how it was going to be. She was going to ignore him. Exactly what he’d planned to do with her. Fine. He went into the bathroom to scoop all his toiletries into his shaving kit and almost ran into her on the way out. She stepped aside without looking at him, brushed past without touching him.

  That hollow place inside him turned into an ache.

  When he joined her in the living room, he tried for a jovial tone and missed by a mile. “Ready?”

  She nodded. He reached for her bag, but she grabbed it.

  Chin up, she glared at him before she marched out the door. He locked up and followed behind, stowed his bag next to hers in the back of the car. Then he went down the cellar steps, threw the breaker switch and padlocked the door.

  He dragged his feet doing it, but at some point he had to get behind the wheel. He had a feeling it was going to be a very long drive.

  Court chanced a look in Jolie’s direction as he pulled into a gas station/fast food area. “Want something to eat?”

  She continued to stare straight ahead, which she’d been doing for the last forty-five minutes. “No. Thank you.”

  He got out of the car and started pumping gas. So this was how it felt to be an insensitive jerk. He didn’t feel powerful or happy. He wasn’t pleased with himself for hurting a woman’s feelings. Not just any woman. Jolie.

  Was she hurt, though? Or was she just pissed off? Were her tears earlier part of an act? He wished he knew for sure if they were genuine. He hated that he couldn’t believe her, that the belief he’d had for so long was gone now. He looked at her through the window. The light glinted off the strands of her hair. On the way up she’d chattered and hummed along with the radio. She’d been excited about visiting the cabin again after all these years. Now, thanks to him, she was coming back like a block of ice.

  Tank full, he went inside and ordered an egg and Canadian bacon sandwich and orange juice. After some consideration he ordered a second orange juice. Maybe it would thaw Jolie out.

  He handed it to her when he returned to the car. “I told you I didn’t want anything.”

  “I was trying to be nice.”

  “A little late for that,” she said under her breath, but he heard her.

  He edged the car away from the gas pumps and into a parking place then killed the engine. Unwrapping his sandwich he gave her a long look. “I don’t know what you’re so upset about.” Insensitive jerk rises again. Why couldn’t he leave this alone? Why couldn’t he go back to being himself?

  “That’s bull and you know it. I’ll let you in on a little secret, Court. The time to express a lack of interest in someone is before you sleep with them. Not after.”

  Court swallowed his bite. “I never said I wasn’t interested,” he said, drinking some of the orange juice.

  “I think you made your feelings pretty clear when you said you didn’t believe me, so can we just leave it at that? Somehow the all-powerful, manipulative she-devil Jolie Kramer forced you to make love to her, not once, but twice last night? And again this morning. You’re mad because I didn’t take you to bed again after the first time ten years ago. Because I couldn’t admit how I felt. I can’t win. I don’t want to talk about it.” Jolie turned her head away.

  Court almost wished she’d start crying again. Then maybe he could offer his shoulder. It’d be
like old times. Except now he was the jerk who’d hurt her. Which made him the last person she’d look to for comfort.

  The sandwich and orange juice churned in his stomach. He put everything back in the bag. He started the engine and dropped the bag in the garbage on the way out.

  Jolie had never been so glad to see her parents’ house. The moment Court killed the engine she was out of the car. It seemed like it took forever for him to open the trunk. She reached for her bags, but Court got there first. She drew back. The very last thing she wanted to do right now was touch him.

  He pulled them out and they faced each other like two gunslingers at the OK Corral. Showdown, Jolie thought. Tell him goodbye and don’t fall apart when you do it.

  She put her game face on. It was a struggle, but she managed it. After years of working with demanding celebrity wannabes, she’d learned to keep her cool. Or pretend to. Drama club had been good for that much. They rarely knew what she was thinking as she listened to their ridiculous complaints and suggestions about the clothes and accessories she’d chosen. They were almost always wrong—why else did they need her services?

  Court was wrong, too. He couldn’t believe she’d changed, still thought she was the same person from high school. That was what hurt the most. Not that he didn’t believe she loved him. That he didn’t believe she could truly love at all. She clamped down on the inside of her lip. She’d survived almost two hours sitting next to him without saying a word, without showing her pain. She would not fall apart now.

  She reached for her bags. Court waited half a beat before handing them to her. His fingertips brushed her hand as he released them. Even that slight touch caused a ripple of emotion to shoot through her. Ignore it, she warned herself.

  She lifted her chin. “Good-bye, Court.”

  She walked away, pausing only long enough to open the front door. Safely inside, she slid to the floor and let the tears come.

  That’s where her mother found her ten minutes later. By then Jolie had her tears under control. She was still sitting in the same place, with her head down, wrists locked around her knees.

  She heard her mother’s approach from the back door and wished with all her heart that she’d made it to her room before now. She’d rather her mother not know that she was upset, or that it had something to do with Court. From Sue-Ellen Kramer’s mouth to Becky Harrison’s ear. What would Becky say to Court? “Sue-Ellen told me Jolie was crying over you.”

  Jolie gritted her teeth. No way would she give Court the satisfaction of knowing she was pining after him the way he had once pined after her. It was sickeningly ironic. What she’d wanted him to see was how great they could be together now that she was finally ready. Now that she was no longer afraid. She’d taken a chance and it had blown up in her face.

  No. She didn’t care what Court said or how he behaved. He wanted her. He had wanted her last night. A man simply could not make love to a woman the way Court had if there wasn’t some deep emotion involved. She refused to believe it was possible.

  Her tears had dried and a small knot of anger began to grow. If she wasn’t careful, pretty soon she’d be mad enough to spit.

  “Jolie? Honey, what’s wrong?”

  Jolie lifted her head and unintentionally glared at her. Her mother took a wary step back.

  “What is it? What happened? Are you all right?”

  Alarm covered her mother’s features and Jolie scaled her own back into a less frightening expression. She got up and wrapped her arms around her mom.

  “What is it, baby?” Her mother stroked Jolie’s hair, just like she had when she’d been a little girl. It felt so good. So comforting. “Is it Court?”

  Jolie nodded, afraid if she said anything, the tears would return.

  “Want to tell me about it?” Sue-Ellen asked. “I made a chocolate cake earlier.”

  “Do we have milk?” Jolie replied, her words muffled against her mother’s shoulder. It sounded ridiculous, but right now it felt like the most important question of the day.

  “A whole gallon.” She could hear the smile in her mother’s voice and that almost made her smile in spite of everything.

  Five minutes later Jolie felt like she was six years old again. Her mother had placed a square of chocolate-frosted chocolate cake in front of her along with a big glass of milk. At that age she’d believed all her problems could be solved with chocolate cake and milk.

  Of course, how many real problems had she had back then?

  Jolie licked a dollop of frosting from her fork. “I feel like a kid again.”

  “When things were much simpler?” her mother asked.

  “I guess.” Jolie sighed. How had everything become such a mess? It all started when she’d told Court she’d loved him. Correction—last night when she’d told him she thought she was in love with him. Said what she meant, what she felt. Whoever said honesty was the best policy was dead wrong. All it ever did was create more problems.

  “About Court…” her mother ventured.

  “Mom, if I tell you what happened, can you promise not to tell Becky?”

  “Sweetheart, she’s my best friend, and Court’s mother. Maybe she can help—”

  “I don’t want her to know. I especially don’t want Court to know how upset I am. If you can’t do that, then let’s not even go there.”

  She remembered when she’d stopped telling her mother things, had stopped confiding in her. It was the day she’d gotten her period for the first time and overheard her mother on the phone talking to Becky Harrison about it. That milestone had been personal and private as far as Jolie was concerned, not fodder for general consumption. And especially not Court Harrison’s mother!

  That was when she realized her mother had been telling Becky her secrets for years. If Becky knew them all, then Court did as well.

  She’d become more secretive after that, picking and choosing what she could tell her mother, never revealing her personal turmoil, never asking for advice or direction. She’d stopped being herself around her mother and then stopped being herself altogether. She told people what they wanted to hear, even her friends. If she kept her true self hidden no one could betray her trust.

  Imagine if I’d told any of them that I liked Court in high school! She’d have been a laughingstock. Courtney Harrison? She could well imagine the incredulous reactions from her girlfriends at the time. The kid who edits the school newspaper? The equipment manager for the basketball team? The guy with enough hardware on his head to set off a metal detector? You’ve got to be kidding.

  She’d buried her affection for Court so deep she’d forgotten it was even there. Now, when she’d found it again, he’d thrown it back at her. To make her pay for the hurt she’d caused him.

  She understood, but didn’t he know she was hurting back then too? That she’d been confused and scared. That she didn’t know who to trust and most of all couldn’t trust herself.

  “Darling, of course if you don’t want me to say anything to Becky, I won’t.”

  She wanted to believe her, but Jolie imagined her mother’s fingers were already crossed behind her back. She imagined her running to Court’s mother and saying, “Jolie told me not to tell you, but I know you can keep a secret.” Then it would go to Court with the best of intentions, everyone just trying to help.

  Ugh! She couldn’t. Even after all this time, she couldn’t trust her mother. She’d handle this on her own like she always did.

  “Court and I had a disagreement, that’s all,” she said, putting on a happier face. “I’m probably making a bigger deal out of it than I should. We’ll work it out, Mom.” She reached across the table and patted her mother’s arm. “Don’t worry.” She rose and took her dishes to the sink.

  “Are you sure, sweetheart? You seemed awfully upset before.”

  Jolie gave her mother another smile. “I’ll be f
ine, Mom. I’m going to go take a shower.”

  In the privacy of her room she stripped off her clothes and stood under the warm spray of the shower. She examined her recent “ah-ha” revelation about her mother. Okay, so she had some trust issues on top of everything else.

  The shower did little to revive Jolie’s low spirits, but she’d made plans to meet Sarah at the park this afternoon, and didn’t want to cancel.

  She hated the fact that she found herself peeking through the living room drapes to make sure the coast was clear. No sign of Court’s BMW. Good. She wouldn’t run the risk of bumping into him as she left.

  Stupid, so stupid, she thought as she started her car. She’d planned to walk to the park. It wasn’t that far and it was a beautiful day. But she didn’t want Court to come back and see her car still parked in the same place. She didn’t want him to think she had nothing better to do but sit around and mope.

  It’s all so high school, she thought with a sad smile. We’re adults, we should know better, shouldn’t we? She was pretty sure the answer to that question was yes. But she had no clue how to make things better.

  Sarah was already there waiting. Chelsea was swaying back and forth in a toddler swing while Sarah pushed Chad gently on a swing with a safety seat.

  “Hi,” Sarah greeted. “So, how was the trip to the lake?”

  Jolie shrugged. How was she supposed to answer that? Wonderful? Awful? Wonderawful? A lump formed in her throat. She desperately wanted someone to tell her what to do. Maybe Sarah was that someone? “Okay, I guess.”

  Sarah regarded her keenly for a moment. “Uh-oh. That doesn’t sound good.”

  Jolie was afraid if she spoke she’d start to cry, and she didn’t want to. Not in front of Sarah and her children.

  “Want me to push you, Chad?” Jolie asked, stepping forward to where his swing had slowed almost to a stop.

  “Okay,” he agreed. She gave him a push.

  “Higher,” he commanded.

  Jolie glanced at Sarah. She held up her thumb and forefinger with a tiny space between them. Jolie gave Chad a firmer push, which seemed to satisfy him.